It's All A Blur! (Year 1)

I can't believe my babies are turning two. TWO!! That is officially not a baby anymore... I just can't believe it. I've been thinking about it a lot. Time is so strange. In some ways I feel like I was pregnant yesterday. It is all so new and going so fast! ...But in other ways it seems like Matt & Danny have always been a part of our family. It's hard to remember life before three kids!

People always say the first year is "a blur" and it was! ...But the second year was too! (Maybe that's just life...) So I decided to indulge myself in a little walk down memory lane as my boys close in on the big T-W-O.

These are the moments (well, some of the moments) that stand out for me during my first year with my boys!

- The nurses I loved. We had some amazing nurses that made such a difference during the long 18 days the boys spent in the special care nursery. I'll never forget many of them and I hope they know what a difference they make everyday.

- The one nurse I didn't like. (Isn't it mean of me to highlight her 2 years later? ...Whatever it's my blog and my memory!) She was YOUNG. I told Brian I thought you should have to have some life experience before working in this type of environment. I guess I just felt like she was just coming to work (which in fairness... she was...) and didn't "get it". She wore lip gloss around her neck. 3 tubes... around her neck. I don't know why this irritated me so much but it really did. Actually, it was probably because she was the one who told me about Danny's first (and only) heart episode and while she was talking about my 3 lb baby's heart she was wearing lip gloss around her neck. She wouldn't let me hold the boys for their PO feedings (even though every single other nurse did) and she called Danny's chart his "bad boy record"... seriously? Not professional.

-The "baby cages" (or isolets) and how THRILLING it was when they no longer needed them. I cried the first time I got to the hospital and saw both boys snuggled together in a cradle.


- Kirsten's face the first time I saw her look at the twins. She got to see them for a moment as they were wheeled out of the delivery room... but I didn't see that. I'll never forget the way she looked peering through the window of the nursery.


- The incredible feeling of pride I had as I wheeled the boys out of the hospital to TAKE THEM HOME! It was amazing. Nothing compares to that feeling.

- The first night they were home. I thought I'd be so relieved to have them home... I didn't realize I would worry every single second of that night. I was TERRIFIED they were going to stop breathing.


- Their 2 month doctor appointment... specifically, when the doctor told me the possibility of SIDS started at 2 months. Information that would have been nice to know all the nights I counted their breaths during the first two months.

- The sharpie mark that I left on Matthew's foot for the first 2 months, looking for "the vein" to tell the boys apart, and tickling them to see who had a dimple once they got hair.

- The morning when they were almost 4 months old that Brian got up to see me crying in a sleep deprivated haze on the couch. I remember yelling that I hadn't slept more than two consecutive hours in 4 months. I spoke to my mom that morning who tried to be comforting and said "It'll get easier soon,". I started yelling like a maniac, "WHEN? Not tonight! Not tomorrow night! The next night? Is THAT when it's going to get easier!!! That's still 72 hours away!!!!!"

- The day they hit 10 lbs. I read somewhere that at 10 lbs a baby can physically sleep for 8 hours without eating. (I think... maybe I made that up...) Either way they were 4 months old and we started to SLEEP. It's when it got "fun".

- When I worried how I'd manage both boys when I couldn't "palm them" anymore. (They were so tiny that I could easily wrap one hand around each baby to lift them at the same time.)

- The day the twins were Christened. It was one of the happiest days of my life. I was so proud of my beautiful family. So grateful. So blessed.


- Admiring Danny's gums. That baby had the most beautiful, "gummy" grin. I cried when I found his first tooth.


- The afternoon Sarah and I tried to stage Christmas photos. It did NOT work. There is a reason people pay professionals to do this.

- The reflux. It's AMAZING how much vomit can come out of a 6 lb baby. No one was safe. Sarah still looks at the boys funny when they get too close. I remember holding one of the boys in church on my shoulder. I happened to glance at the man behind me and wondered if he knew how great the chances were that he would be covered in vomit at any second.

- When I thought crawling was dangerous. Isn't that cute? ... The ignorance was bliss.

- The day that Matt started choking on a carrot at about 8 months old. Brian was very upset and declared, "That's it! I'm not feeding them any more!". He was serious too.

- Their first steps. It was hard to "call" the first steps because there were several days of wobbly "trying to let go" steps... but on Mother's Day they each took a "good" step and we clapped and made it official.

- Their First Birthday portraits. God bless my mom. The mess... you can't even imagine the mess.

...As I type this a hundred more memories blur together... their first Christmas, their first bath, and their first words ("uh oh" ... that should have been a warning of what was to come from these crazy guys!)